Miss Jane Marple, gentlemen.
- My dear Miss Marple. - How do you do, Bishop?
- This is your chair. - Thank you. I am indeed honoured.
Cecil Folly Hardwicke. Sir Geoffrey Bucknose.
- How do you do? - Lord Rudkin.
Now, my fellow trustees.
Our annual meeting tonight
is at once a sad and a joyous occasion.
Sad because of the recent demise of Rear Admiral, Sir Hubert Marple.
Joyous because in his stead we welcome his niece,
the granddaughter of our founder,
admiral of the fleet, Sir Bertram Marple.
- Hear, hear. Now, Bishop... - Please allow me a moment.
In Sir Bertram's own words,
the objective of this trust is to put backbone into young jellyfish.
Hence his purchase of that famous wooden wall of England,
the Battledore, which now serves as a training ship
for hooligans who might otherwise have gone to the devil.
Bishop, we all know this.
- I have something important to say. - So have I.
Madam, on this night your heart must be overflowing with pride
at the achievements of your family.
I can only say and from the bottom of my heart, welcome.
- Oh, Bishop. - Amen. Now...
- Please, please, please. - Bishop, my fellow trustees.
I'm deeply moved with the warmth of your welcome.
My heart is indeed filled with pride.
Forgive me, smoke does so get in one's eyes.
That's better.
Bishop, fellow trustees, I am honoured to be one of you.
- Your finger is in my snuff box! - I beg your pardon.
How dreadful of me.
As I was about to say, with our steady hands at the helm,
I'm confident that Battledore
will continue to buffet her way through storm and tempest,
providing a safe haven for those who are in peril on the sea of life.
Thank you.
Gentlemen and lady, to the first item on our agenda...
Hang the first item, I insist on speaking.
Look here, Folly, raise it under any other business.
There won't be any other business
unless what I have to say is heard now and acted upon.
Well, it's most irregular, but very well.
Folly! Folly!
Was he overexciting himself?
Well, yes, Dr Crump. He seemed a little...
Yes, I thought so.
The spirit was willing but the heart was not.
I'll deal with the police, they're just over the road.
Good night.
- Brisk young fellow. - Poor Folly.
I wonder what he was going to say.
He'd just paid a surprise visit to the Battledore.
He got back today as a matter of fact.
I wonder if he was going to fuss over his reception?
The captain does not encourage visitors.
What a beautiful way to be taken - unawares.
- Miss Pringle! - Oh, I say, not her too.
She has merely fainted. I have some smelling salts in my bag.
Miss Marple, quickly please.
Thank you.
Curious.
Empty.
That's it, Inspector. I'll give you the death certificate tomorrow.
Sorry about the old boy.
No need. A long life, money, four wives, a quick death...
What more can you want? Must go, a baby awaits. Good night.
Brisk sort of chap, isn't he?
What? Bacon!
Huh!
Is it really necessary for you to creep about like this?
As I saw you creeping about, I am creeping about.
You don't know what has occurred.
I do. What I don't know is why you 're climbing out of windows?
That was because the poor man's snuff has been stolen.
Snuff?
Not the snuff box, though that is valuable, just the snuff.
Snuff... stolen?
- Quite, by an intruder. - Miss Marple, what on earth...?
Someone was lurking by that window.
You mean a burglar?
Why would our proceedings interest a burglar?
In any case, what kind of a burglar is it who steals snuff?
You must have had a severe shock tonight.
Come with me and Sergeant Bacon will see you home in my car.
After a good sleep, you 'll be your old self.
Are you implying that I am unhinged?
- No, of course not. - What are you implying, pray?
Well, just that you 're temporarily not yourself.
Chief Inspector, I am always myself!
- Did you get it? - Yes.
The chemist queried sulphuric acid, but when he knew it was for you...
Yes, yes, thank you. Now I think we can proceed.
I confess, I'm at a loss to know what this is about?
- If he died of a heart attack... - He did.
- Then... - Patience, Jim. Patience!
- What is that? - Folly Hardwicke's snuff.
I thought it was all stolen.
Due to a slight contretemps earlier in the evening, I spilled some.
- Luckily, our thief overlooked it. - I see.
Handkerchief to mouth for my experiment, Mr Stringer.
Oh!
- All clear, not cyanide. - Cyanide?
Shush!
First a little solution:
Then we add the catalyst, a few drops only. Now we wait.
- Not African boxwood. - Eh?
Gonioma kamassi. The sawdust contains an alkaloid that resembles curare.
Pity. I had hopes of that.
Nil desperandum as my old science mistress used to say,
we try and try again.
Now if this changes colour...
- So that's what it was. - Er, what?
- Strychnine. - In his...
He was killed through his nose.
- Good heavens! - Very original.
Very ingenious...
...or perhaps not so.
Propel me please, Jim.
Well, here we are. The Doom Box by J. Plantaganet Corby.
Here it is. Now listen.
'. and so m'lord' declared Sefton Harricott,
'Jacob Rushton did suffer a heart attack,
but it was induced by a noxious substance in his snuff.'
- I'm beginning to... - Wait.
'The murderer' said Harricott, 'made one error,
he didn't remove the incriminating residue from the snuff box.'
A mistake our murderer no doubt imagines he has not made.
Why should anyone do such a thing?
That, Mr Stringer, is the question.
Poor Mr Folly Hardwicke had just returned from our ship.
He had something important to say, he never said it.
I wonder.
Yes! That's where the motive must lie.
Mr Stinger, there is something going on aboard the Battledore.
Goodness!
There she is!
Magnificent! A real bit of history.
Pity anything so beautiful has the answer
to something as sordid as murder.
Here comes the boat.
Well on time - two minutes to two bells on the dogwatch.
Is this wise? Shouldn't we have tried to convince the Chief Inspector?
Policemen - particularly our friend, Chief Inspector Craddock -
are only convinced by fact.
Once you 're on the water, it'll be so easy.
A marlinspike in the dark, your body in the scuppers,
a splash, carried out by the tide...
My dear Jim, calm yourself.
I'm sorry, but I must point out the dangers.
Are you going to help me or are you not?
- Well, yes, of course. - Thank you.
- Do you have your signal lamp? - Yes, yes.
Book a room overlooking the estuary.
- I suggest that hotel. - Yes.
Understand?
Keep lookout at 11 o'clock tonight.
I shall pass on any uncovered evidence
so if anything untoward does happen,
you will be empowered to pursue this on your own.
That's all I think.
I shall see you in the morning as arranged,
unless it is necessary to contrive a longer stay on-board,
but if the captain's all the Bishop says,
I won't be very welcome.
Miss Marple, I forbid you...
Damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead, Mr Stringer.
Thank you, laddie.
- Can I help you with your bag, sir? - Oh, no. No, thank you.
- May I? - Oh, certainly, ma'am.
Push off for'ard.
Give way together, lads.
Look at it. Will you look at it!
Reefer jacket, brass buttons, tricorn hat.
Who does she think she is? Neptune's mother?
All right, Connington. Pipe.
- Pipe. - Pipe.
HIGH PITCHED WHISTLE
- De Courcy Rhumstone, ma'am. - Marple, Captain.
- May I introduce you to my officers? - By all means.
- Commander Breeze Connington. - How do you do?
Organisation and accounts.
Lieutenant Commander Dimchurch.
Navigation and seamanship.
Lieutenant Compton, ma'am.
Discipline and character building.
Sub-Lieutenant Humbert, madam.
Physical training.
- And? - We find that's quite enough, ma'am.
Assistant Matron Shirley Boston.
Last but not least...
- Matron - first class - Fanbraid. - First class!
Yes, yes. First class. Yes, that went pretty smoothly.
May I, on behalf of the crew,
offer our condolences on the loss of your trustee.
- Thank you, Captain. - Now here's my programme.
Just a minute. Humbert! Come here.
Thank you. 17:30 to 18:30 - that's hours...
Naturally.
...a tour of instructional classes,
15 minutes for a wash and brush up, then 18:45 to 19:45 -
drinks and cold collation in the wardroom.
20:00 to 21:00 - Sea shanties by port watch of hands.
21:35 - I personally see you aboard the last bus to Milchester.
- I... - Excuse me. Miller?
- Sir! - What are you doing with that?
- Carrying it, sir. - It's mine, Captain.
- Yours? - Yes. My seabag, you know.
Seabag? You 're only staying a few hours.
Well, I do feel it my duty, as a new trustee
to be some little time with you and spend the night on-board.
Spend the night? Spend the night!
Sorry, but it's entirely out of the question.
Apart from anything else, there's no quarters. I'm sorry.
Splendid quarters. So kind of you to give them up.
Not at all.
Yes, this will do splendidly.
Delightful view.
Delightful view, Captain.
Yes, I'm going to miss it.
Snuff.
I think that's about all, madam.
A handsome blade, Captain.
- Yes, it is, isn't it? - Yes.
It was given to my great grandfather after the Battle of Trafalgar.
- Really? - I've never been parted with it.
- I see. - Good.
Yes, well, I'll see you on the poop in about 10 minutes then.
- Captain. - Yes, madam.
- Haven't you forgotten something? - I don't think so.
Surely you want your snuff?
Oh, yes, thank you. Thank you very much.
- Allow me. - Thank you. Would you mind...
Thank you. No, have that on me in memory of Trafalgar.
- How kind of you. - Thank you.
Oh, heavens! I hope I'm not giving too much trouble?
No, of course not, madam.
After all, it is for only one night... isn't it?
What a waste. What a diabolical waste!
Oh, come on everyone. Cheer up!
It's only for one night.
The captain and his visitor will be here soon,
so let's create a good impression.
Sir, Eric and I were going to the Ellington's party!
Bingley Castle - the party of the year!
There's always another night and tomorrow night, I'll be free.
- Now isn't the time for trouble! - Darling, please!
I do agree, Muscles. I do so agree.
Compton! Stop this you two.
Miss Marple's presence here at least ensures we shall eat hearty tonight.
- Eh, Dimchurch? - What?
Oh, yes. Yes.
- Are you all right, old chap? - Yes, yes. Fine.
Does she worry you that much?
No. No. It's just... a nuisance.
Never mind. We'll just keep the cupboard doors closed for longer.
Stop the skeletons rattling.
- Skeletons? - Skeletons?
Skeletons? How interesting.
- Bravo! Bravo! - Encore.
- Why don't you shut up. That's all!
Thank you. That was most stirring, most stirring indeed.
- Really? - All these young things singing.
The lads of the starboard watch are better, but it's their night off.
Can another programme be arranged?
- As to that... - Yes, yes it can... next year.
- Oh, thank you. - Not at all.
Are you satisfied with everything?
Everything seems to be shipshape and Bristol fashion.
I'm glad, but I expected no less.
It's been a long day, how about a nightcap?
- A very good idea. - Good. Dismiss.
Dismiss.
Dismiss!
We've enjoyed your visit. It's been a great fillip to morale.
- There is one thing that bothers me. - What's that?
I can't think what so upset Folly Hardwicke after his visit here.
What about, Miss Marple?
Well, unfortunately, the poor man passed over
before he passed on whatever it was that was on his mind.
- We had hubble bubble that day. - Hubble bubble?
- Baked beans and leftovers. - So that's what you call it!
Even the boys loathe it. I suppose he did too.
I'm fond of it, but there's no accounting for taste.
Well, we got that cleared up. Nice to get things cleared up.
Won't you please sit down.
Now, may I say on behalf of all of us how sorry we will be to see you go.
How nice of you to say that.
I had no idea you would welcome my staying on...
...the inconvenience I mean.
There is none involved.
It would have been splendid for you to have stayed for longer.
Then say no more, Captain, I stay.
Good!
- Steward! - Yes, ma'am?
You know.
Captain, as a measure of my appreciation
and with your permission, I should like to give the order.
- What? - Steward!
Splice the main brace!
- Thank you, Captain. - Thank you.
Ah, no, not for me.
If you don't mind, ma'am, I don't care for the stuff. I'll turn in.
- Oh, well... Captain... - Yes?
...ladies and gentlemen, the good ship, Battledore.
(ALL) The Battledore!
Now, if you 'll excuse me, I think I'll retire.
Good night, everyone.
See you all in the morning.
How the devil did that happen?
- You virtually invited her to stay. - Who's talking to you?
- You did, Captain. - Did I?
Did I?
It's a case of being outmanoeuvred, sir!
Outmanoeuvred! Me?
Outmanoeuvred...
The champagne was already laid on, sir.
Yes...
...already laid on.
What's her little game then?
Mr Stringer? What...?
Dusty?
Whatever can the dear man mean?
CLICKING
Captain... >
KNOCKING
Captain, sir?
Officer of the watch, sir.
- No need to bash the door down. - Sorry, sir.
I can't stand being disturbed when I'm curling my beard.
- Sir, shore leave... - Keep your voice down.
(QUIETLY) Shore leave party just returned minus one.
- Minus one? What? Who's adrift? - Dusty Miller, sir.
Dusty!
- No, not him. - I'm afraid so, sir.
You 're telling me, you let that villain loose with her about?
- I didn't see why... - You blithering twit!
You should have clapped him in irons when she came aboard.
- Permission to round him up. - Granted.
Thank you.
- Compton! - Yes, sir?
You can tell Miller that for once in his sad life,
he'd better put his heart and soul into morning prayers.
Aye, aye, sir.
Patrol, quick march!
Patrol, halt!
Prisoner's escort, fall in.
Patrol, right turn. Quick march!
I've been observing you and I'm wondering why a gentlemen like you,
who lives in a hotel like that, wants to sleep in my bed?
I assure you, I had no intention of...
Good night!
Prisoner and escort, halt! Petty officer, carry on.
Quick march!
Prisoner and escort, halt! Left turn!
Petty officer, fall out!
Operation Snatch, go!
Huh!
WAVES RIPPLE
- Mr Stringer! - Miss Marple, I stole their boat!
Calm, steady yourself.
Now go on. >
I did as you said, I followed the shore patrol. >
Those boys, Miss Marple, robbed the place like professionals.
Did they indeed?
I suspect that one of the officers is an arch criminal,
a man who corrupts the mind of youth and profits by the corruption.
Return ashore and keep on your guard. >
I will, Miss Marple.
Oh, it's you.
What are you doing? Don't be a fool!
Pump up, lad. Pump up! That's better!
You don't think I'm enjoying this?
- Captain, sir... - What?
Captain, I'm glad you 're an early riser too.
- A word with you please. - Not at the moment.
I am somewhat déshabillé.
- Captain, this is important. - As you like, madam.
I mentioned to you that poor Mr Folly Hardwicke was troubled.
Yes.
I believe, I mean, I'm sure I've stumbled upon the cause.
- This lad, Miller... - Madam, please.
If you 're suggesting that by some means
there has been any gross dereliction of duty,
I'll see to it that the culprit hangs from the highest yardarm.
- Just like that... - Eh?
Yes, just like that.
Hello...
Compton!
I'm not having it! Not in my ship! I'm not having it!
- Nothing but questions, questions. - I haven't asked any yet, sir.
It's time you started. The place is swarming with police.
It's unsettling the lads, the staff and me!
Yes, sir, I can see that.
Death - instantaneous. Time - about midnight.
- Asphyxiation by hanging? - No, run through first, then hung.
- Run through? - With a sword.
It's like gilding the lily. Extraordinary business!
I'd like to discuss it, but I've got a baby due.
I'll give you a full report later. Good morning.
He's a bit on the brisk side, isn't he?
Yes... run through, eh?
You hurt yourself?
- Any more of these weapons aboard? - Yes.
- I've got one myself. - Oh?
Everyone has! It's part of dress uniform, except for the ladies.
- Anyone could have used this. - That is hardly gallant!
I'm sorry, madam. Now who was the last person to see Compton alive?
(MIMICS) The last person to see him alive...
Establish that and you 've got whoever did him in!
Let's begin with you, sir. Well?
- What? - When did you last see the deceased?
It's none of your business, but it was six bells in the first watch.
- Which is? - 11 o'clock last night.
Thank you, sir.
Any advance on 11?
You heard what he said, any advance on 11?
I see.
Can you think why someone would want to kill him?
No. He was a most popular fellow, wasn't he?
He was the most popular man on board.
Clearly not with everyone. Can you help me, sir.
- Did Compton have any enemies? - I don't think so.
- Any quarrels or any bad feeling? - Well, I...
I couldn't really say.
Can anyone say?
- What about you, sir? - I had little to do with him.
I don't know.
And you, Mr Humbert?
Yes, well... all right,
Compton and I hadn't been getting on well lately.
- Really, sir. - It...
I'm sorry, Shirley, but it will soon come out.
Compton was always making up to Shirley... that is, Miss Boston.
Eric!
You see... Shirley and I... are more or less... engaged.
What!
Do you know what you 're saying?
- Oh, Humbert, this is serious! - I quite agree, sir.
Yes...
In my ship there is no, repeat no,
hanky-panky between the sexes.
It is a golden rule of the Trust and we are bound to uphold it.
By thunder, you 've got some explaining to do!
Engaged... to a woman!
- Explain, sir, explain! - Will you kindly let him, sir.
- Sir? - Excuse me.
- What is it? - Something important has...
- Have you hurt yourself? - Get on with it.
Well, er...
(WHISPERS) I just heard from the lads...
< - What? < - All right.
You sent a patrol ashore last night, sir?
What on earth's the matter with that?
The lads are at the police station reporting a theft.
It seems someone has stolen their dinghy.
A man's been murdered, man, and you 're fussing about dinghies?
Sir?
The point is that whoever stole the dinghy
could also have rode out here and...
And er...
Yes, that's very good.
Well done, Connors.
- Why didn't you think of that? - I did.
Your dinghy was found adrift. It must have been tied up by an amateur.
- We are testing it for fingerprints. - Just a minute.
Don't you think I'm due for some sort of, "I'm sorry, Captain"?
- I'm sorry, Captain. - Thank you.
Bacon, get the launch alongside to...
- Bacon! - Sir?
- Are you all right, sir? - I thought I saw...
No, it couldn't be.
FOOTSTEPS
DOOR SHUTS
CLATTERING
DOOR SHUTS
Oh, botheration!
"Secretary to the Trustees...
Cape of Good Hope, Youth Reclamation Trust, Milchester."
- Bacon! - I'm sorry, sir. I lost my hat.
Onto something, sir?
Whoever stole that dinghy is our killer.
Mr Stringer!
Oh, dear. Poor Mr Stringer.
Mr Stringer?
- Mr Stringer? - Yes, Miss Marple.
No, I'm here.
- I'm sorry, Jim. I had to warn you. - Warn me?
- You 're a wanted man. - Wanted?
- That dinghy you purloined. - Only borrowed.
The police think that whoever borrowed that boat is a murderer.
Me? A murderer?
Look, I've brought some brandy. I thought you might need it.
Road block, map reference S14X02...
Beat 5 extend 200 yards to Blue Box 44. Beat 6, await instructions.
It's orders!
Yes, sir, he could be dangerous. I'm taking precautions.
Yes, every man and dog in the force.
All right, take it up with Inspector Craddock.
- What the...? - Sorry, sir.
- A tramp to see you urgently, sir. - I don't want to see a tramp.
- Yes, you do, sir. - What the...?
The man you 're looking for. I know where he is.
All you need to do is lie low and allow the hunt to continue.
That will keep the Inspector out of mischief and give me a free hand.
- But surely a combined operation... - No, don't you see?
If the killer thinks the police are after you,
he will have a sense of false security.
Oh, but I...
- Very well, Miss Marple, I'll do it. - Stout fellow.
I suppose it was the nefarious activities of Compton
and his misguided lads that Mr Hardwicke found out.
Let's say it was that. So Compton silenced Folly Hardwicke.
- Yes. - Then who killed Compton?
- Well... - His accomplice perhaps?
- Did he have an accomplice? - Yes.
The person who intruded into Compton's cabin during my intrusion
obviously knew about the sea chest and its contents.
I see.
I wonder what he or she wanted out of that chest?
Could it be the loot from a robbery?
By Jove, Miss Marple! The classic situation - thieves fall out.
- Yes. - I see it all.
Compton killed Mr Hardwicke for his silence.
Compton's accomplice killed him to procure the loot. Two murderers!
- No. - No?
No, there's something wrong there. I feel it in my bones.
- I have it! What was bothering me. - Oh!
The accomplice would have disposed of his partner in crime discreetly.
Yes, a blow on the head, a quick heave over the side,
body swept out by the tide, never to be seen.
Precisely. To run a man through and then suspend him for all to see
and from the traditional gibbet for mutineers and traitors.
No, Jim.
This is a different mind from that of the common criminal,
a mind that conceives something so diabolical
as to poison a man with his own snuff.
- You don't mean? - Yes.
I strongly suspect there is only one murderer,
that he killed Hardwicke and Compton
from a motive that we don't yet know of... a motive of his own.
By Jove, I believe you 're right.
What could that motive be?
A moment, Mr Stringer.
POLICE BELL
I found this envelope in Compton's sea chest
and it had been steamed open.
Why should Compton intercept a communication to the Trustees?
On the back, these figures,
a calculation, probably by Compton, but see here the number 33.
You will recall Folly Hardwicke's preoccupation with that number - 33.
Mr Stringer, you must return to Milchester at once.
Go and see the Secretary of the Trust, Miss Pringle.
Ask her what kind of communication from the ship
would be likely to be contained in an unusual envelope like this.
Miss Marple, the police! I thought I was to lie low.
Well, use the back stairs.
Turn up your collar and pull down your cap. Goodbye. Good luck.
The Chief and I have read your statement.
We can't believe it, but we've read it.
- There's no further point to stay. - Just a minute.
I could charge you for withholding information, conspiracy,
aiding and abetting a fugitive from justice and I expect many more.
- Why don't you? - If I had my way...
Anyhow, the Chief thinks that some good has come from your meddling.
- Meddling? - Meddling.
What line do you intend to pursue?
Compton was killed by his accomplice.
I thought you would think that.
- Glib. - Glib?
- Thought you would want to see this. - Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- We now know who that accomplice is. - Oh.
There have been six major robberies in this area
in as many weeks - jewellery mostly.
A social event preceded each robbery.
All the guest lists had the name of Sub-Lieutenant Humbert.
I see. Are you going to arrest him?
I'll pull Humbert in, confront him with those safe-breakers,
but it will be just a formality.
I take it you are ignoring the possibility
that Mr Hardwicke died any other than a natural death?
Snuffed out by strychnine in his snuff?
You 've got too much imagination.
Just as well, since I seem to need enough for both of us.
The way lies before you.
I suggest you take it, collect Mr Stringer and go home to Milchester.
The way lies before you, Inspector. I suggest you take it.
Lock yourself up for the night and do some hard thinking.
Of course.
DOOR SHUTS
FOOTSTEPS
WOMAN'S SCREAMS
SINISTER MUSIC
Craddock, how much longer do we have to sit here?
We'll wait for the doctor's report.
Just... just... Do you know what day it is?
- Wednesday. - (MIMICS) Wednesday.
It's Trafalgar Day!
We've got our annual hornpipe display tonight at the Quay Hotel.
- You 'll have to cancel it, sir. - Cancel it!
That'll break a tradition!
- I'm sorry. - You 're sorry?
It's the death of Nelson! I can't ignore the death of Nelson!
I can't ignore some rather more recent deaths.
It's all very upsetting.
- Have you any snakes on board? - Snakes?
What is he talking about?
I thought as much. It's most odd.
She was poisoned through a puncture in her finger - curare possibly -
popular with South American pygmies.
They use a blowpipe, right into the system. They've gone in a jiffy.
I've never seen anything like it.
I'd like to discuss it, but I can't.
Where's my bag? Oh, you 've got it. Yes, I've got a baby due.
It might even be twins or triplets. Good morning.
- That chap is brisk. - It's all life and death with him.
INSPECTOR COUGHS
Snakes...
Pygmies...
Blowpipes...
It's her, you know.
The ancient mariner had nothing on her.
- Are you all right? - All right?
No, I am not all right.
- Get that woman off this ship! - What woman?
Miss Marple, you fool!
Since she came aboard, two of my staff have been slaughtered,
Humbert's been slapped in jail
and four of my lads have been accused of housebreaking!
Also the ship's stuffed with this!
What do you call it? Loot! Look at it!
Craddock, my friend.
My dear Inspector friend.
I don't care how you do it, but get her off.
I mean, trump up some charge if you like.
I'm sure you 're good at that.
You see, she's a jinx. She's a Jonah.
She's blowing an ill wind!
Where is the dear man?
He must be back by now.
KNOCKING
The captain thinks you 've got the evil eye.
He wants me to get rid of you.
I'm sure he does.
- Well, may I come in? - If you wish.
I suppose you intend to release Sub-Lieutenant Humbert?
I'm not so sure. I admit the girl must have been the accomplice.
She took the loot from Compton's cabin.
- I still think he is mixed up in it. - He is.
He's one of the Rutherfordshire Humberts.
As such, acceptable socially at all the big houses,
which explains his presence at the functions,
which preceded each robbery.
I... suppose it would.
- I presume he went with the girl? - Yes.
You know it may be she made up to him deliberately
to gain entrée into these houses so as to, as you put it,
'case the joints' for her real paramour, Compton.
I'll think about that.
Meanwhile, she was poisoned, which was injected into her finger.
- So I perceived. - All right, but how?
By mousetrap.
- Mousetrap? - Yes.
I think that last night that unlucky girl
was seeking a safe hiding place for the ill-gotten gains.
She found one, reached inside and snap.
- Snap? - Yes.
The weal across the back of her hand - consistent.
The puncture - a sharp point joined to the snapper.
Wait a minute. A mousetrap primed with a deadly poison?
In heaven's name, why?
Clearly her hiding place was already in use.
- What? - Hiding something else.
Something of greater value obviously,
as the owner was ready to guard it with a murderous booby trap.
Miss Marple, all this seems so... fantastic?
Not really, Chief Inspector.
The method is outlined in this book: The Doom Box,
as is, by the way, the principle of murder by snuff.
KNOCKING
Excuse me. Will you and your men want luncheon?
Don't want to put you to any trouble.
It's no trouble.
Four meals are going begging now that our lads are reduced to 29.
29 plus 4 equals 33.
33!
Inspector, I am convinced that the key to all this
lies in the fact that the full ship's company of lads numbers 33.
Miss Marple, you 're way above my head.
ENGINE ROARS
Mr Stringer!
Rash! Foolhardy!
Oh! What hit me?
Some joker heaved this rock through the cabin window, sir.
Probably one of these hooligans we read so much about.
- Pity the police do nothing. - Look...
When you 're compos mentis, Inspector,
the captain wants to see you urgently.
- Chief Inspector. - Miss Marple?
Shush! I must be quick.
The captain will demand that you allow tonight's hornpipe display
and I want you to give way to him.
- What? - You must.
Chief Inspector, do you know who threw that rock?
- If I only did! - My friend, Mr Stringer.
- Mr Stringer! - Yes and you 'll thank him for it.
I found this envelope in Compton's cabin after his death.
Assaulting a policeman, withholding information... again.
Don't be petty, Inspector.
This envelope is used for the ship's quarterly report to the Trustees
and Mr Stringer has enclosed the latest example for us.
You will see that the complement of lads is quoted as 45.
In fact, it is only 33.
- You mean... a swindle. - Yes.
If it's been going on as long as I think, has cost the Trust a fortune.
May I, sir?
I think Mr Hardwicke stumbled on this swindle,
so did Compton, who then added to his list of crimes, blackmail.
Blackmail?
He intercepted that report, steamed open the envelope,
and as you will observe,
calculated the amount to which our miscreant was profiting per year.
He intended to claim a substantial cut for himself,
but of course he got more than he bargained for.
- Who signed that report? - The captain.
- Come on. - No, nothing precipitant.
No one must be apprehended yet. They must be allowed to go ashore.
Impossible.
Embezzlement is one thing, proof of triple murder is another.
Softly softly catchee monkey... with a mousetrap.
BELL RINGS
Liberty boats away in two minutes.
What? Oh, my goodness! I haven't even changed.
- Captain? - Yes, madam.
- I wonder if you 'd let me cry off. - Cry off?
Well, I'll be returning home tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Yes, of course.
While I'd so enjoy accompanying you tonight,
I'd like much more to spend my last night on board.
Well, that's up to you.
I'm a landlubber, you see,
and to hear the sea gently slapping the sides of the ship...
...to be here with a good book...
I'll be only too happy as long as it tops off your stay.
It's a rattling good detective yarn.
I borrowed it from the ship's library.
I know only one of you has read it, but I suggest that all of you do.
I've just got up to the most exciting part when...
I hope I won't be giving too much away,
if I say the answer is a mousetrap!
A mousetrap?
There, I'll say no more, otherwise I'll spoil it for you.
- Captain, the boats are waiting. - Good.
- We wish you a pleasant evening. - Thank you.
- Good night. - The same to you.
All of you.
Miss Marple, I know that you spoke up for me.
- I'd just like to say thank you. - Good night.
Good evening, Miss Marple.
HORNPIPE PLAYS
ENGINE TURNS OVER
DISTANT CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
STAIRS CREAK
Are you quite comfortable, Chief Inspector?
- No. - Well, it won't be long now.
FOOTSTEPS
Torch!
FOOTSTEPS
You!
I didn't go ashore.
No one noticed in the dark.
No one notices me anyway.
What do you want?
This was my last chance.
You leave tomorrow don't you?
That is my intention, yes.
I've been under a great strain since you came.
I want to talk to you. I've got a confession to make.
Yes?
I suffer from chronic seasickness. I am not fit to teach seamanship.
- I have to take pills. - I see.
- You steal them from the sickbay. - How did you know?
It doesn't matter.
I suppose I'll have to resign.
- No, I don't think so. - What?
Admiral Lord Nelson had your complaint.
Where would we be if he had resigned?
If it sets your mind at rest,
I suggest it's not too late for you to go ashore
and join the festivities in honour of your noble predecessor.
Miss Marple, I hardly know what to say.
I don't know how to thank you.
Then don't try.
BELL RINGS
SUDDEN SNAP
SUDDEN BANG
You can show yourself now.
- Good evening, Commander. - Good evening, Miss Marple.
How long has it taken you to embezzle such a vast sum?
20 years.
My fellow Trustees must indeed have been lax.
Mr Hardwicke's visit was the first for a decade.
Do you prepare the quarterly reports?
Yes.
I suspected the captain at first, since he signed them.
I thought so.
Then it dawned on me. You had two reports didn't you?
The one accurate, the other false.
A sheet of carbon paper between the two and the captain signed both.
True.
You 've spent little of the fruits of your labour - I find that curious?
I wish to retire in a style befitting an admiral.
- I beg your pardon? - My rank, you know.
I thought you retired as a commander.
- You don't understand anything! - I should like to.
I was axed from the navy. Nothing to do with my competency.
"Unsuitable for further promotion", the phrase was.
I was offered this post afterwards.
- You took it? - Yes.
I also took the regular promotions
that would have been mine had I still been in the service
and the pay rises that went with them.
I may wear the uniform of a commander,
but I am an admiral of the fleet.
I think you 've heard enough, Chief Inspector.
You almost convinced me there.
Now I propose to execute you and scuttle this vessel.
They'll think we both went down with her
and by the time the truth comes out, if it ever does,
I shall be enjoying a well-earned retirement a long way from here.
You won't find it as easy as you think.
I warn you, I was Ladies National Fencing Champion in 1931.
In 1931, madam, I was Fencing Champion of the Yangtze Flotilla.
En garde!
Inspector!
Salut, Miss Marple.
Now I'm afraid, the coup de grâce.
- Mr Stringer! - Not this time, Miss Marple.
Touché, Mr Stringer!
Well done! Well done.
I was so worried, I couldn't stay away!
The Chief Inspector! Quick, the hatch!
Allow me. Are you all right?
I was so concerned about you.
Captain, sir. Sir!
I think they want you.
- Captain. - Madam.
Please, there's no need for words.
Hilt towards me - guilty.
- The end of my career. - Captain!
Your great grandfather's Trafalgar sword!
Madam, I'll tell you something, I never had a great grandfather
and I bought this in Portsmouth market for 35s/6d.
You 've misunderstood. The hilt was towards you.
- Yes, I know. - It means you 're not guilty.
- Eh? - No.
We Trustees must take full responsibility for all that happened.
- Not guilty? - No.
Not...
I thought when the hilt was... it's the other way around.
I never could get it right!
Not guilty! Thank you madam, gentlemen.
Thank you very much indeed. Excuse me.
Thank you. Not guilty.
Nevertheless, I shall tender my resignation.
You see... just a minute.
Would you come in please?
You see Matron Fanbraid wants to get married...
...and so do I.
We've been courting underhand for far too long.
14 years, as a matter of fact. It is 14 years, isn't it?
I realise it is a golden rule of the Trust
that there is no hanky-panky between the sexes.
I see.
So we'll wish you a good day. Come on, girl.
- Matron. Captain. - Yes?
I think I speak for all my fellow Trustees
when I say that golden rule is hereby rescinded.
You 're a fine sea dog, Captain,
but the Battledore could well do with a woman's hand at the helm.
Sydney!
Alice.
< Push off, for'ard.
< Give way together, lads.
You know, the moment I clapped eyes on her I said to myself,
"What an old darling!"
ENGLISH SDH